College is wonderful! You learn so much about your chosen subject, but there are several lessons you can only learn by getting out of the library! The most important lesson is how to cure a hangover quickly and be able to go to your 9am lectures. This one took me 5 years to come up with and I do believe that I have it! Now don’t expect too much science, because if you’re hungover you don’t really give a damn about the sciencey stuff!
Now of course, the best and most universal cure is to not over-indulge. However, that’s almost never possible when you’re out with your mates in a pub. My method involves stuff that won’t cost you too much money and more often than not, you’ll have this stuff anyway in your house. The one thing you mightn’t have regular access to is cranberry juice.
1) BURN IT! BURN IT ALL!
Put some toast on, and burn it! Burnt toast is covered in the best substance ever, carbon. The wonderful thing about carbon is that it helps you process the alcohol with a lot less effort. Be sure to put lots of butter on it… I’m not talking about that spreadable nonsense, use real butter. There’s no science behind it, real butter just tastes better.
2) Food glorious food!
Alcohol requires a lot of energy to be processed, so be sure to eat before going to bed. Don’t eat fast-food, whatever it is about fast-food it’ll wreck you the next morning, so avoid going to McDonalds or the chipper. Instead cook extra food at dinner-time and then eat the extra food when you get back. I highly recommend making a curry, because as we all know, drunk people can’t resist a good curry!
3) Juice it up!
Drink cranberry juice, at least 500ml of it before you go to bed. Cranberry juice has more Vitamin C in it than orange juice and is a lot easier on your already traumatised stomach. Drink it quickly and then hit the hay.
4) Zzzzzzz….
Before you start giving out and telling me that you were going to sleep anyway, hear me out. When you sleep having over-indulged on booze, you don’t actually get good quality sleep. The solution? Set an alarm for 2 hours time, wake up and get out of bed for at least 10 minutes. Have another glass of cranberry juice and brush your teeth and make an effort to make yourself human. Why? There’s nothing worse than waking up the next morning with stale alcohol on your breath, and generally being in a state of disarray. Getting out of bed will, for the want of a better way of putting it, will convince your body that you’re having a lie-in. You’ll wake up more refreshed having had some proper sleep.
5) The official wake up
When it’s time for you to get up, then get up. Have another glass of cranberry juice and some breakfast, then go have a shower (mostly because you sweat more when you’re sleeping off booze). Walk to work/college/whatever if you can, if not, then take a 20 minute stroll. You’ll need some fresh air to finish off the cure.
Congratulations, you’re now cured! This is a method that seems to work on almost everyone. Most people should be able to do all of the above steps, you’ll need a lot of dedication for it. That being said, the important thing to remember is to rehydrate as much as you can before you go asleep.
As always, please respect your local laws and customs regarding the consumption of alcohol.
So, yeah, twilight jokes are circling the internet for a while now. You might even think that the whole twilight thing is getting a bit rediculous. BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Now I’m not talking about vampires… Lord knows, they’ve become the gayest thing since Christmas, so what remains for the misguided emo-kids to emulate now? Yup, you guessed it, werewolves…
This video rendered me completely speechless… It’s official, furries everywhere are now going to be even more embarrassed about their way of life because the emos have managed to ruin it for them too. Come on emo people! You ruined gothic fashion by gaying it up, now you’re picking on the furries? How many more marginalised social groups are you going to ruin? When are you going to just stop and think up your own ideas for a social movement… God dammit! Those emo bastards really make me angry! Either be a goth, or don’t. Either be a furry, or don’t be a furry. Don’t just take little bits of everything and subsequently ruin all that is cool in the world (except for the furry stuff, that you can keep…)
So yeah, leave a comment and tell us what you think of this new… Thing…
This isn’t one of them stupid lists of obscure films that no one has heard of. I’m going to give you a list of films that EVERY college student simply has to see! This is going to be done along the lines of High Fidelity, where the stuff mentioned isn’t in ascending or descending order, it’s simply a list of 10 things I consider important for this topic which is:
10 Films EVERY college student must see!
1) High Fidelity (2000)
I couldn’t mention this in the intro and not mention it in this list. This film is famous among students for the “Top 5″ lists and it encourages it. This film is the most wonderful film in the world to watch when you’re trying to get to know someone, in fact I’d go as far as saying that it’s a great “first date” movie. This film has everything, it has good tunes, good jokes, and an excellent storyline. It’s got John Cusack, a guy who I’ve yet to find a lady who doesn’t like. It can even be classed as a romantic comedy, but if you’re trying to get a guy-friend to like it, don’t tell him about that part. Anyway, to give you an idea of the movie, here’s a clip:
If that hasn’t gotten you interested, especially the fact that Drake Bell (from Drake and Josh) can be spotted in it, take a look at this:
2) Lord Of The Rings (The full trilogy)
Do I really need to mention this? The Lord Of The Rings marathon is something that EVERY college student must try at least once. It involves playing all 3 extended version DVD’s of this series back to back. Very few have made it out the other side without falling asleep because lets face it, at nearly 3.5 hours for each film, you’re going to be worn out by the end. I’m not going to bother posting videos, everyone knows what I’m talking about. With ground-breaking special effects and absolutely flawless casting, Peter Jackson has a lot to be proud of.
Ah feck it, lets put in a clip! THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD!
3) The Big Lebowski (1998)
This film is one that will strike a chord with absolutely everyone! Jeffrey Lebowski gets caught up in a whole massive situation all because he shares his name with a big-time rich guy. What starts off as an innocent attempt at getting his rug cleaned after 2 guys come into his house, put his head in a toilet and urinate on his rug; turns into a completely off the wall story about just how messed up life can get! The moral of the story is of course that everything will be okay in the end. This film made a little drink known as the “White Russian” famous! Everyone who has seen this film is also aware of the wonderful drinking game where you have a White Russian whenever The Dude has one. CLIP!
4) Withnail and I (1987)
This film is certainly one for those of you who have been on a really bad holiday! Where everything seems to go haywire for you but everyone else seems to be having a great time. This film follows two out of work actors in London during the late 1960′s, who are beginning to discover that they aren’t exactly fond of their somewhat unkempt lifestyle in their dingy little Camden flat. They decide amongst themselves that they are going to go for an idyllic holiday in the country to refresh themselves, but in the end it shows them just the kind of person each of them are. I found it to be an alternative coming of age film where all the characters find their lives going in different directions by the end of the film. Wonderfully humorous, it teaches college students a much-needed lesson. Eventually you have to leave college… There are those who are perfectly happy where they are and will never leave, those who spend most of their time on drugs, those who stayed too long and wind up spending their time awash in a sea of memory and those who stayed long enough to realise that they need to go somewhere new before they became like the other three. I watch this film at least every 2 weeks, I quite enjoy it. Lets have a clip eh?
5) This is Spinal Tap (1984)
Again we have another comedy, and this time it takes the form of a “rock-unemtary” if you will. Spinal Tap are the world’s loudest band! Marty DeBergi follows the band as they do an American comeback tour and winds up filming them as the band goes through a complete crisis. Interspersed with some absolutely amazing tunes, this film would provide endless entertainment. It’s been referenced millions of times by many comedy shows, too many to mention in fact, the most famous quote being when they take a look at the album cover for “Smell The Glove” and it turns out to be all black and Nigel Tufnel says,
“It’s like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none… None more black…”
Anyway, to get you in the mood, here’s a clip:
6) Monty Python – The Holy Grail (1975) and The Life of Brian (1979)
These two films have to be mentioned side by side. The two films are almost frighteningly famous! If I think of films that people have to see, I always think of these two. Monty Python is a group of comedians famous for their surreal humour but also for their quite imaginative songs. I really don’t think I could do it any justice, by describing them any further, so here is a song from each:
7) Almost Famous (2000)
Every college student adores the idea of the rock-star lifestyle. This film is one that keeps on giving, you’ve got a great plot, great casting, great sound-track, and above all else the movie’s ending leaves you with a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It follows the journey of William Miller, a budding journalist who winds up following a band called “Still Water” and documents the progress of the tour. Along the way, you see just how crap it can be “living the dream”… It reveals how success can bring out the worst in people, how no one can ever truly escape the real world and ultimately it shows you that even when the excrement hits the fan, you can still get through it and succeed. It’s a good feeling movie that shows the viewer that everyone has to work hard, and that everyone winds up in a rut, but that things always have a way of working themselves out. CLIPPITY CLIP CLIP!
8) Children of Men (2006)
When a movie is good, it has ways of proving this to you in the subtlest of ways and always within the first 10 minutes of the film. This is certainly one of them, and you can tell from the start that you are going to be glued to your seat with an expression of a mix of joy, horror and sheer amazement. This film shows a very dystopian view of the future, humanity has become infertile, people are simply living just to wind up dying. The world is in chaos, the American empire is over, Britain is now run by an extremely fascist government and in general things just aren’t that great. The movie keeps good momentum all the way though and you’ll find yourself in a state of constant cinematic satisfaction because every time you wind up saying to yourself,
“Oh it’d be great if…. SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! IT JUST HAPPENED!”
So here’s a clip, well it’s a trailer, but you’ll love it:
9) Fight Club (1999)
This movie is certainly one worth seeing again and again, in fact you’ll more than likely wind up watching it over and over anyway. It’s centred around a character played by Edward Norton (who remains nameless) who needs a way to vent his frustrations in life. His frustration causes insomnia and so his doctor tells him to go to a support group for people with testicular cancer. He feels good after every session and realises that it helps him sleep, he winds up faking illnesses so that he can go to these meetings and vent his frustrations through crying. Eventually he meets Tyler Durden who introduces him to the idea of venting his frustrations and aggression through fighting, and the two of them wind up creating the Fight Club. This of course is not the end of the escalation of these issues and the fight club eventually becomes the anarchist group known as “Project Mayhem”. It’s all a load of fun, and really quite an interesting watch. I highly recommend it! Although, unlike High Fidelity, this wouldn’t be a film I’d recommend watching on a first date… Everyone will wind up seeing this film at some point in their lives, but there is no better time than during college, here’s the trailer:
10) Pulp Fiction (1994)
This is most definitely one of the greatest films from the last 20 years. It’s got the dry humour that’s always present in Tarantino films. It’s got the almost casual inclusion of violence. In fact, casual is the exact word that I would use to describe this film. Even when Jules’ speech towards the beginning of the movie is done in such a casual way that it scares you, you’re glad that you’re not the guy he’s talking to. Again, the sound track is amazing, the casting is amazing and the whole film just works! WATCH IT!
Honorable mentions:
The Last Waltz (1978) – Good for the tunes!
A Clockwork Orange (1971) – Good for the ultraviolence!
A Scanner Darkly (2006) – Just plain good!
L4yer Cake (2004) – Good for those who like a good gangster movie, sorry, I meant businessmen… Yes, coke-dealing businessmen…
Hope you guys enjoyed this wee list of mine, be sure to leave a comment if you think I left anything out. Also, be sure to follow me on twitter (@Felix_Barry). Check out the rest of the site while you’re at it too!
I usually don’t go for videos of cats doing cute things. However I’ve managed to be completely captivated by this video. To be honest, it reminded of a cat I had when I was younger. Anyway here’s the video:
So do you find this as entertaining as me? Leave a comment and let us know what you think! Head on over to the homepage and check the rest of the site. While you’re at it, follow me on twitter.
So over the last while I’ve had a load of people tell me this strange rumour about how a particular product had laxatives in it. Of course, I didn’t believe this for a second, surely there had to be an explanation that didn’t involve some guy in Quality Control sending a batch of this product back saying,
“There isn’t enough laxatives in it, send it back!”
Depending on where you are, you may find that this product is called Magners. Anyway, Bulmers/Magners is well known for their Apple cider. In fact it sponsors a Rugby League, as well as several sports teams, and are particularly well-known for the ad below and making The Kinks popular for about 4 months (since then the song has become known as “The Bulmers Ad” in Ireland). Here’s the video:
So anyway, 12 months or so ago we suddenly find out about this new product, BULMERS PEAR! People where wondering what it would taste like, even though Kopparberg had their own version that was out for an age and a half before-hand.
Now, when this new product came out, a rumour started spreading that Bulmers had put laxatives in the drink to discourage people from binge-drinking. This, to put things in the vernacular, is a load of Bauvine Excrement! I started my investigation by looking up laxatives on Wikipedia, usually I wouldn’t trust Wikipedia as a source, but then again, where better to find information on stuff relating to poop than the internet, where poop jokes reign!
The truth of the matter is that various fruits promote regularity of the bowels. This basically means that all of the poop will flow better if you eat these fruits, examples of these are orange juice and pears (complete list of foods that have a laxative effect). However if you over-indulge on said fruits you will wind pooping at a rate you weren’t exactly expecting. This is due to the fact that when too much regularity inducing foods are consumed, a laxative effect is experienced. Another example of this is mint, mint helps settle your stomach after a big meal, however if you eat too much mint, you’ll be racing for the toilet.
The problem with Bulmers Pear is that it is actually made with real pears. This means that in small quantities, this drink can help you keep your bowels good a regular. However in large quantities, it will cause stomach discomfort and a laxative effect, much like eating too many pears.
So I see you guys there about to ask,
“Well how do you know all of this?” and I shall tell you. I did a little experiment this week, I bought 8 cans of Bulmers Pear and a punnet of pears (contained 8 pears). I used the pears as a reference test, and discovered that after 8 pears I was rushing to the toilet and pooping like it was my one and only means of propulsion to get away from a horde of rampaging zombies (Wow, that was a crude simile). So about 24 hours later, I tried out the Bulmers Pear and got a strikingly similar result however these results only occurred after 5 cans.
Now to take care of all of you idiots who will say,
“But Felix, how many cans of this delicious beverage can I drink before I start redecorating the bathroom?”. The answer is, I don’t know… It all depends on your metabolism and your tolerance to alcohol and other such factors.
So if you wind up drinking Bulmers Pear and discovering that you’re pooping at a faster rate than normal, that is why. It’s because Bulmers took the time to put real fruit in their cider and the side-effect is not down to their product, but rather the natural characteristic of pears. So the next time you hear this rumour, don’t ring the number on the side of the can because now you know…. AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!
This product is very much delicious, and is definitely something worth drinking in this warm weather. As always, do try to drink responsibly, you don’t want to wind up sick, injured, arrested or dead, so do obey your local laws regarding the consumption of alcohol. Be sure to check out the home page to see the most recent articles. While you’re at it, be sure to follow me on twitter (Yes, I’ve joined the huddled masses finally).
